My true thoughts on ADOPTION

Do you remember this  ** POST ** I made 1 year ago.  This weekend 1 year ago Lindsey asked us to be the parents to her beautiful baby girl.  Can you believe that was 1 year ago..time just goes by way to quickly.  Wow has my life changed in so many ways.  One year ago my life was filled with going to work full time at a dental office, serving as the YW's president in our ward, dealing with our infertility while also trying to go through the process of adoption.  Currently my life is filled with the MOST happiness I could ever imagined.  I have the sweetest little girl asleep in her crib in the next room.  I get the privilege of feeding her, changing her sweet little bum, spending 99% of my day on the floor playing with her, getting the best I mean the best smiles from her.  Her little face brightens my day!  1 year ago I could have never ever imagined how this would feel to be a mom to my beautiful daughter.  1 year ago would I have ever imagined how the process of adoption would go??? 

I have been able to start going to an Adoptive Mom group.  It is a place where we can voice our happiest moments in the adoption process, our saddest moments, our concerns through the adoption process.  At those groups we can all be honest.  I have decided I need to be more honest with my feelings regarding adoption. 

To start off with ( if we are being truly honest :),  it is very different than I would have expected.  In my little brain 1 year ago when Lindsey chose us, I painted a very pretty unrealistic picture in my mind of how the adoption process would go.  We had a wonderful relationship with Lindsey our birthmom, we got along extremely well, she loved us and we loved her.  She would deliver Henslee, she would be very happy because she knew she had made the right choice.  We would take Henslee home and continue on with this pretty little  picture I made.  Then we would all live happily ever after.  After all Henslee was meant to be with us.  That pretty little picture I had imagined in my small little brain, turned out to be not as easy as I imagined.

In that pretty little picture I forgot to include the heart ache of an amazingly strong women placing her baby in the arms of another women.  A women that she could only hope would raise her daughter the way she had dreamed and hoped for her.  It didn't include the months and future years of heartache, maybe regret, and the deepest sadness  that women would ever  go through because of the decision she made.  This women would step aside and watch another family raise her daughter.  She would hope that her daughter would know why she did this and how much she loved her.  She could only Hope for those things.  For any of you mothers out there, can you even imagine going through that. Can you even grasp the strength that this women has?

In my pretty little picture I  didn't include a couple not knowing how to handle an OPEN adoption.  A new mother to a baby that didn't look like her, that didn't know the sound of her voice or the beat of her heart.  Experiencing all the  insecurities of being  a new mother.  The moments when others would refer to her as if she weren't the "REAL" mom, but she knew in her heart she was meant to be the mother of this sweet baby girl.  The hurt that would cause this new mom.  The comments that would be made to this little girl because she was adopted.  How would this couple protect her from all the insensitive comments?  What would this couple say??  How would they handle those moments.

I also forgot to include in my pretty little picture, the growth of the beautiful birthmom and the growth of the couple.  I forgot to include the amazing relationship that would come through their tremendously  rocky road together.   An appreciation for each other that is indescribable.  A love so deep, you wish you could share it with the world.  A friendship between these 3 people that will be cherished for the ETERNITIES.  A unity of love so strong for one sweet little girl.  The privilege and blessing to be a part of her life FOREVER!  The confidence that will be instilled in this little girl to know she was placed for adoption because she was loved more than she could ever imagine.

Has our Open adoption been the pretty little picture I painted?  Has it been easy?  NOPE!  I thank my Heavenly Father every day for that.  He gives us trials to test our faith, to build our relationship with him and to help us grow.  I know his hand has been in this process the entire way.  We are truly blessed to have the opportunity to be apart of the adoption process.  We love our OPEN adoption.  We love our birthmom. Because of her amazing sacrifice we have our sweet Henslee. 

 I LOVE ADOPTION!!!